Monday, October 9, 2017

Saturday, September 30, 2017

Deleted video & some updates!

If you follow my YouTube you probably saw that I uploaded a video for all of a few hours then it disappeared.  I did that on purpose, after uploading the video I realized I didn't like the quality so I deleted it.  It was only a writing update but now I'm in the middle of making a vlog and hopefully will have that uploaded by Wednesday or Thursday.  (I won't delete this one!)  Editing is going well and I feel like I'm finally getting out of this funk.  I also got a job!  It's only part time but it's better than nothing so I'm grateful about it.  I listened to Kristen Martin's entire podcast "That Smart Hustle" and it's inspired me so much I can't stop thinking about it.  

I've realized how much I've allowed fear to control my life and I'm tired of it.  Recently I've been approached to make a HUGE life changing decision, I haven't decided on it yet but I'm not going to let fear stop me from taking this opportunity.  Life is short and I'm realizing every minute is precious.  

Saturday, September 23, 2017

My computer broke :(

A few weeks ago my computer completely shut down on me.  I managed to fix it with the help of YouTube but sadly a few days later it broke again (kept restarting and flashing a blue screen).  I even bought some cheap software in hopes that would fix it and nope nothing.

In the process I lost a good portion of pictures and files but luckily I saved my book.  It's always saved on a USB no matter what.  For a few days after that I panicked and ordered a refurbished computer from EBay, and guess what, that didn't work either.  So I had to return it and now the only computer I have is a 9 inch pink laptop I bought used from EBay years ago.  The internet is super slow, I can't use Microsoft word (just openoffice), and it only works with a charger.  At first I was going to stop editing until I get another computer but even though it's harder it's not impossible and I don't want to give up.  As of today I've gotten through chapter 9 and getting through chapter 10.  Once I'm done I plan to make videos on my progress and might even do an editing vlog.  It's been stressful, at the moment I'm searching for a job and have little money.  Working on this book is the only thing keeping me going.

I've been drinking 3 cups of coffee a day so I guess that shows how stressed I am. :(

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Some progress!

I've finally been making progress with chapters 9 and 10 and I think it's mainly thanks to the amount of reading and movie watching I've been doing.  I finally watched The Basketball Diaries with Leonardo DiCaprio and it was so good.  In that movie he reminds me of my main character Zeus. 
And right now I'm about to finish A Clockwork Orange and I have to say it's becoming one of my favorite books (I watched the movie too).  I love how it's not afraid to "go there" if that makes sense and it makes me less worried about the tough scenes and issues I tackle in my book. πŸ˜…

Thursday, August 3, 2017


I'm stuck right now, specifically on chapter 9.😭  I don't know why but I can't seem to get through it so I might have to take drastic measures.  Which means either going to the library to do it or turning off my internet.  I'm too distracted.  I'm tired of being stuck, I feel like it's because this chapter is basically a total rewrite.  It's annoying.  1-10 has been a bunch of rewriting.  I want to make an update video so bad but I won't let myself until I get up to chapter 10 edited.

It's frustrating.πŸ˜’

I hope to be done with the editing before the end of summer and before I find a job.  I'm currently submitting job applications so I need to either discipline myself or work harder.  Something or I'll be stuck forever. 

On the bright side while editing I realized one of my characters has a very distinct style, punk!  

 (This model is how I envision him
to look, he's Japanese!) 

He's a main character, has a bunch of tattoos, is half Japanese, androgynous, and his name is Judas.  He's such a fun character to write especially his style.  I love him and I can't wait to introduce him to readers if I ever get this editing done!! πŸ˜“

Very quick update, hopefully I'll get out of this slump soon.  

Thanks for reading! 😏

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Editing Updates!

I just started chapter 9, chapter 8 was tough to get through since it was a total rewrite.  Honestly the first 10 chapters had to be rewritten since I wrote them years ago and they don't fit with the rest of the story.  That's why it's taking me so long to get past them.  Once I'm done with chapter 10 hopefully it'll be smooth sailing. 😌

I'm stuck, I'm not sure if the way I'm editing is right, if that's makes sense.  Sometimes I feel like what I'm editing sounds amazing and other times I'm annoyed at what I'm reading.  I guess that's what beta-readers are for.πŸ˜•  I've been doing well with my social media ban, without it I don't think I would be as far as I am with editing.  Also once I finish chapter 10 I'm rewarding myself by making another YouTube video, it's more motivation to get through these difficult chapters. 

I'm trying to keep my mind off querying and my query letter until I'm completely done with editing.  I have been attempting to round up literary agents I think would be a good fit and it's intimidating.  Not sure how I'm going to find 10 agents let alone 50-100.  Also I deleted my book from Goodreads, on purpose since now I don't know if I'll be traditionally published or self published.  

A lot may change so until I know for certain I'm going to keep it off there.  I added it back too prematurely. πŸ˜“  I've been stressed because I don't know if I'm making the right decisions and I hate that I'm a perfectionist!  I'm thinking of finding betas to read the first 10 chapters once I'm done, even though I want to be done with my book fully it'll give me closure to hear the opinions of other people since I'm so iffy about these chapters. 

Hopefully I'll have a better update next time, thanks for reading! 😏

If you're interested in beta reading please email me at

Monday, July 17, 2017

Why I'm traditionally publishing! (trying)

It's seems a bit abrupt that I'm deciding to try traditional publishing.  It was.  No lie.  I want to state my reasons for this big change and why I feel it's the best thing for me right now. 

1. Money.  Self publishing takes money, lots of money if you want your book to look good, be well edited, and marketed.  Money I don't have right now and I don't like the idea of crowdfunding personally even though I was thinking of taking that route.  With traditional publishing of course that won't be a problem.

2. More exposure.  I want this book to be in bookstores, Walmart, Target, etc.  I want it to be as accessible as possible so my target audience can find it.  With self publishing this isn't impossible but it's a lot harder.

3.  Mean Boys is extremely marketable.  It deals with so many relevant current topics. (which actually was unintentional)  Bullying.  Blackmail.  Revenge porn.  It's provocative, edgy, diverse, sexy.  All of the above and I'm sure it'll entice literary agents unless I write a horrible query letter. 

So here's a few of my reasons, it's still surreal that I'm even trying.  I don't know if anything will happen.  Maybe my book isn't as marketable as I think, or not well written, or too long, etc.  Nonetheless this is my decision, for now.

Sunday, July 16, 2017

It begins!

Cut my social media ban for a moment 
only to tweet this out. 


I've never thought of traditionally publishing, never.  

Which is weird because I'm sure that's the goal of most writers, being on authortube has brought it into my mind.  Why not traditionally publish?  (or try anyways.)  I've always assumed it was this impossible intimidating vortex of being rejected.  Or being accepted and paid very little while waiting years for your book to come out.  But the closer I get to finishing MB the more the idea of it intrigues me.

This maybe premature and I might change my mind but I think I'm going to start querying to literary agents.  

Yes, to be traditionally published.  

This is a huge thing for me because I've never thought of doing it, I've been adamant about self publishing for years, but why not?  Why not try?  I have nothing to lose in the process except being told no which is life.  Mean Boys deserves the chance to be traditionally published so it can get into the hands of as many readers as possible.  So I've decided once I'm done editing and getting the opinions of beta readers I'm going to begin querying.

This is huge but I don't think I realize how HUGE it is.  Of course if querying fails I'll go back to my original plans and self publish.  I wanted to make this post to get it off my mind so I can focus back on editing. 

I'm terrified but excited to try.

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Mean Boys is on Goodreads!

Mean Boys is back on Goodreads
please add it to your bookshelves
if you're interested!  Thanks. 😏

Monday, July 10, 2017

Taking a break from social media!

As of today I'm working on chapter 8 of my edits, I had to split a chapter so now my overall amount is 29.  I'm realizing I'm not editing as fast as I'm capable of, for me editing isn't hard.  I think I'm a good self editor and I also use text to speech.  The problem is I get distracted easily.  I've had this problem forever which is why it's taken me so long to get to this point.  So I've made the conscious decision to take a break from social media except YouTube, Blogger, and Facebook (which I'm rarely on anyways).  I want to do it for 30 days to focus entirely on editing.  Soon I'll start job hunting and I know that once I find one I won't have as much time to dedicate to MB.  I want to utilize the time I have now as much as possible.  

The first 10 chapters of MB are the WORST.  They're the longest, I wrote them years ago, and they're in past tense (I changed the story to present).  After I get through those I have a feeling editing will be smooth sailing even with a job, then off to the betas.  I've decided to have a complete document for the beta readers instead of going chapter by chapter because I feel it'll be easier and less chaotic.  Especially for the amount of betas I hope to get.  (At least 10, contact me if interested!)

I've been thinking about my cover and how I want it too look.  It'll be entirely different from the old one, the ideas I have excite me so much!  If done right it's going to be gorgeous, the type of cover you can't look away from.  I'm even thinking of doing a rough sketch so the artist knows exactly what I'm going for.  In YA you must have a cover that stands out, no matter what.  Teens are attracted to vivid pretty things, people are in general.  

I can't wait to start the process, hopefully by October at the latest.

There's so much to do till then. πŸ˜…πŸ˜

Friday, June 23, 2017

Over editing!

This is a collage I created of imagery from "Mean Boys".

 I've finished editing the first 5 chapters of 28 and it wasn't easy.  I'm finding that my book needs lots of work, as it should, but also I feel that I'm over editing if that makes sense.  I've only started editing but I'm obsessing over silly things in the book like certain words that are being overused.  Words that must be used for a sentence to make sense.  I want to do three big edits and that's it because I don't want to memorize my story or forever editing it.  The more I read it the more I hate it, I'm sure these are the emotions most authors go through during this phase.  I might have to start searching for beta readers even sooner than I thought and I'm so nervous about that.

 My interest to read has increased ever since I started watching booktube and I'm so happy about that.  After becoming a working adult my reading has been terrible, everything gets in the way.  I realized I've been forcing myself to read books I don't like.  They either don't excite me, are over-hyped, or involve too much romance (I don't like books strictly with romance or a romance that takes over the plot).  This specific channel Jen Campbell is my favorite, I've been going through all of her videos, they're amazing and calming in a way.  She's opened my eyes to books I wouldn't have thought of reading.  

 Hopefully I'll continue editing at this nice pace and not pull all my hair out. πŸ˜‚

Anyone interested in being a Beta Reader please email me at!

Thursday, June 8, 2017

Mean Boys Edit Update #1

I'm not sure if I'll do these often but ever since finishing my full draft I've been anxious to start editing.  The first thing I've done is a read through and surprisingly the plotting isn't as bad as I thought (at least I hope it isn't).  I feel my biggest obstacle is grammar and making sure I don't use words over and over.  Also my draft (with errors still included) is 146k words, around 330 pages.  This book started at 150 pages so I'm proud I was able to expand it as much as I have.  My editing deadline is the end of the summer then it'll go off to the beta-readers (if I have some people rounded up by then).  And my overall publish goal is the beginning of 2018.  There's so much that needs to happen in the next six months but I'm excited to go on this journey!

Also if anyone is curious Goodreads deleted my book but that's the best case scenario for me because I'll be able to re-add and start fresh with a new cover.πŸ˜‚

Sunday, June 4, 2017


After years of putting this book off, rewriting it, hating it, and ignoring it I can say that I've finally finished Mean Boys!  Sort of.  Now I have to begin the edits but I've never been this far, it's always been me drafting and rewriting but never completely finishing.  I can say now that I've finished and oddly it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.  I'm sure that's because I have so much time on my hands and I've been reading which inspires me.  Now the editing process begins, then beta reading, etc.  I'm in disbelief but I'm so proud of myself for finally finishing.  I want to move on to other projects and book ideas so finishing Mean Boys by 2018 is my top goal.

And I made a video on my author channel documenting the entire process.  It's long so grab some snacks (I also cry in it πŸ˜‚).  Thank you so much to anyone whose followed me through the years, whether you comment/follow or not.

Updates coming soon!

Tuesday, May 23, 2017


I have five more chapters of my rewrite then I'll be starting edits.

I'm excited but afraid. 

As an avid Goodreads user seeing all the amazing books, and reading them, makes me feel like why should I even bother?  

My book sucks, it has no hype, and I can't write. 

I don't even have the money yet for an editor or to get a new cover made.  These thoughts keep hammering at my mind and I want to give up so bad.  I know it's my anxiety.  Thoughts like these is why it's taken me so long to write this book in the first place.  I keep having too remind myself why this story needs to be told.  I enjoy writing and I want to share my ideas with an audience.  I'm not special and that's okay.  Back to writing.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

gofundme + new Instagram!

Since 2013 I've gone through so much when it comes to my book.  I've rewritten it twice, changed the plot, added more chapters, even changed my author name.  I've done so much to get too the point that I'm at now.  Currently I'm rewriting Mean Boys and am getting to the final chapters.  I'm excited but also nervous because I don't have the funds I need to publish it like I want.  I'm planning too possibly do a gofundme but I'm not sure if anyone will donate.  That worry aside I'm doing everything I can to make sure it's published as soon as possible and praying it makes some kind of impact.  I know it will.

Also I have a new Instagram specifically as an author, please follow me!

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

In a better place

Sorry about the last urgent post I'm in a much better place as of today, my money issues are becoming stable and I still have a home and food, thank God.  At the moment getting my life together is my top priority, and my health, I was rushed to the hospital some days ago but I'm fine now.  😌  I have plans to start a YouTube channel specifically for updates on Mean Boys and to review other diverse books.  Thank you to everyone who reads my blog posts even if you don't comment!


Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Soon to be homeless? Please donate!

Like the title says I might be homeless soon.  I no longer have a job due to my mental illnesses, luckily I do qualify for benefits but it'll be awhile before I start receiving money.  Of course I have so many bills due, my family has done everything they can.  I'm not sure what to do.  I've set up donation links on my sidebar, anything will help.

Thank you!

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Black Book Editors? (EDITOR SEARCH)

So I'm getting close to that stage (sort of) where I'm in search of an editor, I won't need one until after April but I've started looking.  This isn't a requirement but I'd love to hire a black editor, especially a black female.  It won't be the end of the world if I can't find one but it would be nice.  If anyone knows of any black book editors please either email me at or reply to this post.  Or contact me if you know of any good freelance editors in general, thanks.

Monday, January 23, 2017


I'm making progress, finally. Real progress.  But I'm still unsure when Mean Boys is coming out, for right now I'm taking it one step at a time.  I hope to have it out to the Beta Readers (I haven't found yet) by April.  There's lots of changes coming: new cover, blurb, etc.  2017 is going to be a year of progress, I'm forcing myself to ignore any negativity 2016 (and 2017) has brought.  I'm publishing this year no matter what.  If I have any readers interested in being a Beta Reader please email me, I won't have the book readable until April but if you want to reserve a spot let me know!